This past week has been a freak out week. It seemed like everyday I had a little bit of a breakdown. Questions like, "What in the world am I doing here?" or "What do these people expect of me?" or "What exactly is my job here again?" My language has seemed to have plateaued. Which if you heard me speak Arabic you know that is not good. My Arabic is poor or at least it seems that way. I speak about main events and I can tell people what I want and need but the details are nonexistent in the conversation. With all of these thoughts and frustrations it helps me to think about why I came in to Morocco in the first place.To promote peace.
To get outside of my American bubble.
To learn another language.
To develop my skills with a degree that was basically worthless.
To travel to other countries.
Countless more.
All this to say that sometimes it is okay to be frustrated. Experiences like this make people stretch and grow. Frustration is life. Things like walking into your place where you work and thinking these people don't need me to be here. To travel down the street and get spoken to in four different languages and to not know any of them so I don't speak at all. To feel lost in your own hometown not recognizing any faces. To be the only white person in several kilometers feeling abnormal every time people look at me. Sometimes I think that you need to feel like a baby in the window looking out into the world wondering what world am I doing here.
Takes time to get adjusted to a foreign country even when you really want to be there, something I learned from students and co-workers at the university I worked, at least a couple years to adjust. And that baby photo scares me, no matter how well those bars are attached to the window it just seems risky to allow a baby to hang out there.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the comment! It scares me too about the baby. I do not know why she lets the little thing do that. Thanks for reading and do I know you?
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