Tuesday, December 28, 2010

The Fog

It always strikes me. When I walk around the city of Rabat I see common sights and hear sounds of any other city. The differences though in my point of view are profound. People don't freak out when I start speaking Darjia. This is normal in the capital city (foreign people speaking their language). No shocking looks. No laughing. When I walk around the streets and look around no one is trying to get me to buy anything. No yelling. No bon jour's. No questions about why I am here and what I am doing. The people here they just live their life with this idea that foreigners are amongst them and they are okay with that. Something about this city brings out another side of myself that I have lost (or presumably so) a year ago. I forgot what it was like to be able to walk down the street and be able to smile at strangers. To look them in the eye and just smile. In a round about way I believe this to be normal. But as I ponder my transformation into the person that I have become I realize that normal is a perspective. One which has now changed because of constant struggle, misunderstanding and successes.

I wonder about change. I have come to the realization that change is inevitable. It's something which I need in my life in order to feel at rest, to feel at home. I think this is why it is hard to be comfortable in our own skin: we aren't comfortable with change. Though the irony is that change is the definition of life. Evolution. Constant change which we fight and fight until we give in or break down. I think better when everything is changing. I have learned to embrace change with a free spirit. It has taken me longer than most to understand that if I would have done this sooner then this experience would have been easier. Clarity is what I think that most of us are looking for. But my clarity is understanding that there is really no such thing. We all live life differently. Most of us have no idea to what is next in life. I call this the fog. Maybe to have life, to truly live, is to be okay with the fog of life.

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