I think I had my mid-service freak out early. Times get hard and you don't know what to do. There were a couple of times which I was trying to blog about it on here but I am sure my Peace Corps supervisors would have probably called me. Actually I still have them saved as drafts. I figured that if I woke up the next day then I could post it but my feelings were the same but the next day I felt quite the opposite of what I was feeling the day before. So I didn't post them but I think I figured out mostly what it is.
The roller coaster of emotions is the think that I believe I have the hardest time with. In one day's time I feel like I am so excited to be here and do what I doing and in the next hour I feel like trash and wonder what I am doing here. It's funny it seems that there are no in between emotions like a calm happiness or a little anger or a slight misunderstanding. In my opinion, when you are in a tense situation like this every emotion you feel are magnified times three. To be honest I don't think I have a very difficult job its just everything else. Teaching is the easiest part about Morocco. Trying to communicate with people is most difficult. The middle stuff is like trying to constantly figure out what in the world people are doing here or acting a certain way etc.
I would say the second hardest thing is the difference between boredom and extreme activity. Sometimes I have nothing to do at all. So I try to fill the time with doing random things. Other times I will have so much to do it is extremely overwhelming and I feel like I am going to implode.
Some things that have helped be with my early mid service freak out:
Seinfeld, The Office, Parks and Recreation
Dr. Who, Star Trek, Curb Your Enthusiasm
trip to Agadir for my birthday
my upcoming trip to London
my sister coming to see us
All this to say is that it feels great not to quit and make it on the other side of frustration and all those other extreme emotions. I feel more confident because of all of it. I feel like for me that is the best thing I could gain.
Thanks for sticking with me.